Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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