Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
