I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
