you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
