if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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