He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
