So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
