I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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