last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize