tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
