Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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