just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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