I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
