I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
