just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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