Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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