Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
