She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
