he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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