Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
