Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
