then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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