uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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