is wine microwaveable?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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