As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
