On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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