I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have tasted many bathrooms
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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