u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
