why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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