I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
