yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
