i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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