I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
