So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
