Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
