I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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