all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
