I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
