Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I would go down on you faster than GM stock

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(313): View more from Michigan

theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

where does the pee come out of this thing

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(716): View more from New York

So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college

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(734): View more from Michigan

Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.

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(925): View more from California

Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?

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(416): View more from Toronto

I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.

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