My Higher Power is John Stamos
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
