he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
