No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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