Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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