So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
