i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
