he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
