ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
