Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
