My first STD was from a foam party
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
