Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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