I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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