She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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