She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
