just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
