i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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