I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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