You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
