Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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