im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
