goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
