If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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