all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
