why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
