walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
