it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
