I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
