If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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