Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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