Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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