when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
