Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
